Before having Bubba we had quite a wide spectrum of friends. Some were older and some where younger but majority were not round during the day due to work, school runs ect. I figured that I needed to make some new "mummy friends" during pregnancy or it would be a lonely maternity leave once the new baby hype had worn off and people stopped visiting. We attend NHS antenatal classes but ended up leaving half way through 2 sessions and then not even bothering turning up at the 3rd as to be fair it was doing more harm than good (ignorance is bliss when you are being forced that much information. Pretty sure I could perform an episiotomy with the graphic detail that midwife gave!!). I was worried about what my days would hold once bubba was here and it looked like it was going to get quite lonely. How very wrong I was.
I'm quite outgoing and will happily sit and chat to strangers in doctors waiting rooms or at the checkouts. Normally it's a flippant 2 min conversation and that's that. This happened when Bubba was about 4 weeks old. I took him to a weighing clinic and got chatting to a mummy. After about 5 mins it came light that she, her husband and 8 week old bubba all lived less than a minute away from us. We exchanged numbers and said we would need to meet for coffee. I was so chuffed! I had met a mummy who had a bubba virtually the same age as my Bubba and she liked me enough on first impressions to suggest seeing us again! I was over the moon and remember telling my husband about it when he got home from work. His response was "oh great! We are going to become one of those couples that has mummy and daddy friends! You'll go out for wine with the mum and me and the dad will just awkwardly get along when we are left with the kids". I just dismissed his stupidity as I was just happy that I had made a new friend...although the wine part did sound pretty good :)
|Note: Not my actually mummy friends as didn't want to invade their|
privacy with a photo of them on here..also, don't think we have a
photo of us all together..its normally just the Bubbas :)
Fast forward almost 7 months and I now have a few of these new "mummy friends" and I couldn't be happier. We go to a group once a week where the babies can play and interact with each other and we have a coffee and natter about what our week has involved. We talk about everything from weaning to poop with the occasion moan about our other halves thrown in and I promise you that it has saved my sanity on many occasions to find that someone else is going through exactly what we are. In a way it makes me feel safe to know that I have this little support group that I can go to at any time day with questions about the latest thing that's worrying me (bubbas milk intake was the last one as I though he wasn't having enough!) or to moan about the fact that we were up all night without getting a response of "well that's part of having a baby". It has made me feel so normal to have a small group of non judgmental people who are there even to just listen whilst I vent about something. Our parenting skills are all so different as well and it lovely to be able to ask for advice but yet not have someone force their views down your throat about how you should be raising your child.
My husband had to eat his words as well as he now has "daddy friends". Admittedly their relationship is different to the mummies one but he goes out once a month with the daddies to daddy group and they all have breakfast and chat about DIY and cars, you know manly things, whilst the bubbas play. We even all come together once a month and go for a meal with the bubbas in tow. This was something we did to make sure than even though people are now starting to go back to work, we would all still see each other at least once a month. I love it, hubby loves it (although he won't admit) and I hope that one day Bubba will love is for it too. I hope that he will be able to grow up with the other 3 babies and have a little set of friends that is separate from school or hobbies and that one day he will thank me for having that chat with the nice lady and the baby when he was 4 weeks old.
What I'm trying to say with this post is don't be scared to chat if your a new mum and going to clinics or groups. If your nervous, I bet you any money that there is another lady in that room feeling exactly the same way as you! All it takes is a little "ah, how old is your baby?" to get the conversation going. Try it! And you never know, you could end up with a lovely new group of friends that end up helping you to keep your sanity during those few difficult months as mummy. Support is essential after having a baby and having people around in the same boat is invaluable! My Mumsketeers (hubby was well impressed when he came up with that name!) have never made me feel judged, ashamed or stupid. We are just there for one another and it has made my mummy life so far a happier and more enjoyable experience.
So I challenge you to speak to someone next time you go to baby weighing :)
Go out on a limb and make that first step. You never know where it might get you.