16.12.15

Finding a new normal..

I'm am so sorry that it has been so quite on my blog and social media sites recently. I have purposely not been writing as I can't really don't know what to talk about or what to write. My mind recently has just been clouded by confusion, grief, disbelief and sadness. Last Tuesday my Nan passed away.
She was very poorly and had openly said that she didn't want to be here anymore so even though I really knew that she would leave us probably before Christmas, I still couldn't believe it once she had gone. She was a wonderful woman who gave me many happy memories to look back on so of course I am upset that she is gone and miss her very much. That's not the thing I am finding so hard to deal with as I know she is now with my grandad and no longer in any pain. It's the fact that my family has changed so much this year and the impact that all of this has had on them that I find so hard to cope with.
In Febuary we lost my Brissy then in June we lost my grandad and then last week we lost Nan. That's 3 grandparents in 10 months. My poor mum has lost her Dad and my poor poor Dad has lost both his parents in 6 months. I can't even begin to imagine or assume how they are feeling. To loose one parent is hard enough but to loose two just feels cruel.
I can't help but feel that our family will never be the same, especially at this time of year and I beleive that when you loose people that are so integral to your family then a piece of you goes with them and those holes are never really filled. After what's happened.. How can you expect them to be?
So. I will happily wave 2015 away as its been a year of tears, illness and sadness and will hope next year that my loved ones and I find a new normal and a way of enjoying life again without those special people here. It won't be easy and it will be another year of firsts but I know that as long as we stick together then we will fine and will eventually find a new normal.

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