27.2.16

''Are you missing mummy??''

Last week I spent a lot of time in a theater being a Princess (read all about that here) which meant that Hubby became the main care giver for bubs. I think he thought it was going to be a walk in the park and that WAS the case up until Friday when he took our son out on a trip to a local butterfly and wildlife sanctuary. After his experience there, he now understands why sometimes when he comes home from work I reach for that glass of wine and look frazzled.

Whilst they were out, Hubby took bubs into the cafe for some lunch. Bubba decided (as toddlers do) that today he didn't want to eat lunch. He didn't want to eat the beans and jacket potato hubby had brought him... he didn't want to eat the banana he was offered... he didn't want the grapes or raisins that he ALWAYS eats and NEVER turns down. Today, Bubba didn't want to do anything but have a full blown tantrum in the high chair, in the cafe, in the lunch time rush. Hubby was mortified and ended up finding that the only thing bubba would eat was a bag of Kiddylicious smoothie melts. After the tantrum had finished and Bubs had got over what ever problem he had, normal service resumed and everyone was happy.

I say everyone was happy..that is not strictly true. Hubby was actually pretty wound up and a bit upset. Not because Bubs had a tantrum or wouldn't eat his lunch, but because (once again) of the comments from people around him.

When I got home that night and he told me all about what had happened. He told me that, during Bubba's tantrum, he was getting looked at by a few other parents in the cafe. Not those sympathetic looks that I tend to give people who are struggling with a tantrumming toddler. It was the look of parents who were judging a Dad trying to deal with a temper tantrum. The look of people thinking ''Just control your child'' and all that sort of rubbish that people with 'perfect children' think. What really got to hubby though was when a lady walked past, saw what was going on and said to Hubs ''Ahhh...is he missing his Mummy?''. This is what hit Hubby the most.

I would NEVER even think of saying that to a Dad. How did she know what the situation was? For all she knew Mummy could have left the 2 of them and run of with the milkman. Worse than that, Mummy might have passed away and not be here anymore. A comment that, I'm sure, was not thought through and was totally innocent on this woman's part could have had such a deeper impact. Luckily (or maybe unluckily in his opinion) I haven't run off with the milkman and even though the woman's comments made Hubs feel like an inferior parent, it didn't cause any deeper pain. It made me feel so sad that Hubs felt like this as he is such a good Daddy and Bubba loves him so much. You can see that just by looking at the two of them together and everyone always comments on how good Hubs is with Bubs.

I then started thinking...would she have gone up to a me if I was dealing with Bubba at that point and said ''Ahhh...is he missing Daddy?''? I highly doubt that she would have but why not? What is the difference?

The point of this is not only to vent but to plead to anyone that if you see a Dad dealing with a difficult child or situation then don't go making comments about missing mummy or anything like that. Offer some support or if you don't want to be that forward then just give them a supportive smile or nod. Don't make them feel like the lesser parent just because they didn't give birth. They are just as important and capable as us Mummy's are.

Ok. Rant over. Normal service can now resume :)


3 comments:

  1. Ahh I hate when people say things like that! As if mums and dads can't parent equally. Really grinds my gears so totally understand you! xx

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  2. I'm so confused as to why those words would even come out of someone's mouth...ridiculous! I hope you poured Hubs that well deserved glass of vino!! 😜 X

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  3. Yup! Another fueled bout of judgmental parenting. I have honestly entered a whole new world since having Dids... Glad we have each other Ami. This is too hard not to have support.

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