Pickle is the most wonderful little boy in the world. He is funny, clever, cheeky, loving and would make the perfect big brother but I feel like we have just got our lives back on track after having him and I don't want to throw that all away. We've settled into a lovely little routine, pickle is getting more and more involved in different activities, hubby and I have joined a gym, we've signed up to run a half marathon (yeah...I don't know how I am going to do it either!!) and we have a family holiday booked. Life is pretty wonderful at the moment and I don't want to throw a tiny baby into the mix who will inevitably turn all of our life's upside down.
Think I am selfish? Well maybe I am but I am so excited about what this year holds for me and my little family and that doesn't include a new baby. I can't wait to take pickle on a sunny beach holiday in June. He's going to love being able to play in the pools and I want to be in tip top condition to enjoy it with him, not spending my whole time throwing up with morning sickness or being a moody bitch with hormones. We are running the half marathon in July, something that is a personal goal of mine that I want to achieve and there is no way I would be able to do this if I was pregnant. I tell myself all of this and feel so justified in my decision that now isn't the right time to have another baby but then I see everyone around me falling pregnant and it makes me wonder if I am wrong.
Should I want another baby now?
Should I want to make pickle a big brother whilst he's little so the 2 of them can grow up together?
Am I being selfish by not wanting another one so that I can do things and spend time with pickle on his own?
Why don't I instinctively want another baby?
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I an awful mother?
All questions that I have been asking myself recently and if I am being honest I don't really have an answer. For now I know I don't want another baby yet. Maybe after the summer I will think about it but not yet. Call me selfish, say I am a bad mother...I don't really care. It's my family and my body so I will do what I think is right. I just wanted to know if anyone else out there has ever felt this pressure to have a baby? It can't just be me surely???